Forever 21 (not the store)

Shortly after meeting my esthetician, my social life took an exciting turn. This friendship became one of healing and re-discovery of my younger self, the youth I lost after getting married short of 22 years old and a mother of two by the age of 26. The best years of my young life were devoted to my husband and children. They came first. When I hit my forties, I began to mourn my youth. By then, my daughters were teenagers, they didn’t need me as much anymore. I had more time to reflect on my life, the missed opportunities and adventures. I became depressed and started therapy. In therapy I discovered that growing up I suffered many disappointments, mainly from my strict upbringing and insecurities. The consequences, getting married too young.

My esthetician, who I’ll call Maya, for anonymity reasons, did not see me as a middle aged woman but a modern woman with life experience. She wanted me to be part of her social circle. She proudly introduced me to many of her numerous friends.

I remember the first time she asked me to go to a dance club with her and another friend. They had come over for supper. At the end of the evening, she informed me that they were headed off to a dance club and instructed me to go change, ’cause I was going with them. “OMG, no way! I’m old, I’ll feel out of place,” I protested. Both said that age was just a number. She grabbed my hand and brought me to my room to choose something for me to wear. I exclaimed,”but I don’t have any club worthy clothes.” She told me to wear black pants and a tight fitting top that would show some cleavage. She helped me with my make up and snapped some pics to post on facebook (photo above taken that night). I was 21 years old again! All the excitement that comes with being that age rushed back but better because I was free, accountable to no one.

The club was packed with millennials. What was I doing here? She introduced me to friends who were waiting for her at the club. They all accepted me with open arms and made me feel part of the group. I had a drink, danced and had a great time!

This was the beginning of many more such outings.

On a few of these occasions, I was approached by some very nice young men telling me how refreshing it was to see a woman of my generation frequenting these places. Some even shook my hand as if honored by my presence, LOL! This did wonders for a my morale.

I began to feel comfortable attending these establishments. It now became usual for me to go out clubbing at 10 p.m. My 50+ friends were retiring for the night and I was changing into stilettos to join my younger friends. This may sound crazy, but I never felt out of place.

I will end this blog post by saying, that I truly believe the universe put Maya on my path for a purpose – to recapture my missed youth. You surely heard of older people saying how they’d like to be 21 again but with their current knowledge and wisdom. I’m not 21 but I do have the heart of one and blessed with knowledge and wisdom.

For those of you out there that may be sad and/or depressed because of lost opportunities or adventures, new ones can be found. You must be open to them and believe in yourself and the magic of the universe. They will appear when you are ready to seize them.

Enjoy your weekend!😊😊

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The Hunt for the Special Someone

When people find themselves single again after, a divorce, the death of a spouse, etc., most will search for someone new to love.  They hope to find their  “ideal relationship”. I was one of those people. Society,  also expects us to be in a relationship. How many times have you, the single person, been asked by a friend, co-worker, or family, “have you met anyone?”. I too, have asked that question, to my single friends.

Off I went on my quest to find the ideal mate. I spent countless hours on dating sites and joined various leisure activities in the hope of finding the one. I went on numerous dates only to come back empty handed, discouraged and disappointed. I finally threw my hands up in despair exclaiming, “Where the f*** is my soulmate!!!”. 

In my blog, Sexuality part 2, I mentionned the type of men I met on the dating sites, younger men looking for sex with an older woman and men in my age range that were totally unappealing, many still with young dependant adult children.

I concluded that a man who is financially secure, confident and appealing would probably have no need to go on a dating site, because the truth is,  there are many available women to choose from. Of course there are always some exceptions. A male friend of mine who fits the latter description was  on a dating site for a very short time. He met a woman,  but  not through a dating site. However, I know of people who have found a mate through on-line dating.

After all my searching and dead end dates, I questioned why I needed to find someone. I asked myself the hard question. How would finding  a mate at this age, enrich my life? I already raised a family–don’t want to have someone else’s.  I have good and caring friends, to go out with , to go on vacation with and a sexy handsome younger man to share a bottle of  wine, intelligent conversation and intimacy with. I am financially independent and have a car. Why the f*** would I want a life partner! When I was being treated for cancer,  my daughters,  family and friends were there for me.  I did not have a husband or a boyfriend by my side.

Society makes us feel that we need to be in a relationship or we are not complete. If we can’t find someone we  then end up  thinking that we are not good or worthy enough. The fact is, that a relationship between a man and a woman requires a lot of work. There is accountability, concessions, and a lot of giving and taking. At this stage of my life, I’m not willing to embark  in such a relationship. There are  many other interesting distractions, namely discovery of SELF ! 

 

   

Glam-mother

How many of you have heard the expression GLAM-MOTHER?

According to the Urban Dictionary, a glam-mom is “a grandmother that is young, is still beautiful, a diva”.

It seems that this is quite a popular term. Etsy, even sells printed pillows that read:

“Glam-Ma, noun.

a woman whose children have had children but she is far too young, gorgeous and glamorous to be called grandma”.

A couple of years ago I met an elementaty school teacher at a friends 60th birthday party. She asked me if I had grandchildren, I replied yes. She then said, ” you are a glam- mother!” Of course I didn’t understand the reference. She explained that many of the children at school were picked up by their young looking and attractive grandmothers. LOL! What a lovely compliment!

Today grandmothers are indeed a changing breed. Many continue to work past retirement. Others are more educated than their mother’s. The new grandmother will pamper herself at spas and hair salons, will shop the latest fashion trends, go to the gym and continue to wear stilettos!

Long gone are the days when the majority of grandmothers had grey hair, wore spectales/glasses, knitted and spent the day cooking and baking.

When I became a grandmother at 50, I was estatic for my daughter and son-in-law but felt too young to be labeled a grandmother. It seemed that I’d just finished raising my two children.

Today, I embrace being a grandmother because we are no longer seen as gray-haired old women with glasses and granny shoes but as “Glam-moms!”

With the holiday season at our doorstep and friends and family scrambling to find the perfect gift, the inscribed pillow might be a great gift idea for a “Glam-mom.”

Stay tuned. 😊😊

Sexuality Part 2

Three years after my cancer diagnosis(2015), my eldest daughter thought it was time for me to start dating. She felt I was focusing too much on her father, my ex. After extensive research on her part she referred me to a dating agency in town. I made an appointment.

I was both excited and nervous. A new adventure was about to begin. I got a match the very next day but refused it because he lived too far. A few weeks later I was sent another match and agreed to go on a date. He was 7 years older than me and retired. I don’t know if you’ll agree, but most men don’t age well, thus they must have other attributes. He didn’t. When he poked fun at my allegiance to God, that’s when I cut the date short. Not a good start, right?

At some point I realized that I needed to empower myself with knowledge of the male psyche and how to interact with them as an equal. I needed to learn the art of flirtation and how not to feel defenseless with a man but be the master of my own thoughts and feelings.

Earlier that year I attended a fundraiser for Mental Health Awareness, organized by a very good friend of mine. I won a door prize, a gift certificate at a spa. I decided to make an appointment the same week. The young woman who gave me the manicure was 25 years old, beautiful, vibrant, friendly and warm. She made me feel special. We clicked, instantly.

Now you must be wondering what this has to do with sexuality? Alot!!!

I continued to see my new esthetician for regular manicures and waxing. During the first waxing session I made the comment, “All waxed and no man to see the results”. She reassured me that I was an attractive woman and that I would meet someone soon, adding that I could have the cream of the crop because I was a “MILF”. I asked, “What is MILF?” She replied, laughingly, ” It’s an acronym for MOTHER I’D LIKE TO FUCK”. She continued to tell me that young men have fantasies about older women and that it wouldn’t be too long before I attracted one. OMG! What was she saying, that a younger man would actually desire me and want to have sex with me??? Not possible!!!

Well let me tell you, not too long after, a much younger man made his move. He was someone I had met casually a while ago. A sexy handsome devil with a gentle soul. One day we were sharing a glass of wine, he came close to me and kissed me. Let me tell you ladies, this man was amazing. I said to myself that if I were to die tomorrow, I’d die happy!

This sexual encounter expelled all my fears and preconceived thoughts about what makes a woman sexually attractive and desireable. It was a gift from the universe. I later told my therapist about it and she jokingly stated how now I was like the famous Mrs.Robinson, from the movie, “The Graduate”.

I was now ready to EXPLORE MY SEXUALITY. Remember, I was married for 32 years, a faithful partner with no previous sexual experience.

One quiet autumn day, I decided to try an on-line dating site. The dating agency was not coming up with any eligible matches. I was again excited with the prospect of finding an interesting man. When I saw the possible matches for my age range, I almost fell off my chair. These men were nothing like they advertised. They were old looking and many were not well groomed. A few days later I saw a TV ad for another on-line dating site. I set up my profile. The pool of eligible men was more of the same. I was discouraged. Many of the messages I received from this particular site were from scammers hoping to catfish some poor lonely woman. Much later I heard of another dating site. This one was free! Again, more of the same old looking unattractive men. The difference with the latter was that I was contacted by men of all ages. The cat and mouse game began. It became fun to interact with multiple men on-line. It was a safe place to flirt. I would be a different persona with each man. I was having fun but was always courteous and respectful.

I did go on a few dates with some of the men I met on-line. Each one was a unique experience–a story for each!

If you are wondering, I did end up having sex with some of the younger men, who to this day still contact me.

The one nippled woman, was now liberated to express herself sexually without any fears and judgement.

A la prochaine!

Sexuality, part 1

I have heard from some men that women after 50 are no longer desirable. The reasons differ. For example, the statements made were the following:

  • they are no longer sexual;
  • they are old and cannot compete with a younger woman, and; 
  • they are way too confident.

These comments can shatter a woman’ s self esteem and quash one’s hope of finding a prospect.

After my divorce, I truly believed I would have to settle for a man 10 to 20 years my senior. No man my age would be interested in me let alone a younger man. Frankly, I felt quite indignant; how is it that men can get younger women and we must resign ourselves to meeting seniors who are probably sexually impaired.

Anger towards my ex started to build up. He  told me in one of our post divorce tête a tête’s, that he wanted out of our marriage at least 10 years earlier but did not have the courage to tell me. Instead, he waited for me to find out about his secret affairs.

Here I was, almost 55, past my prime, how was I going to meet someone interesting when the pool of eligible men had greatly diminished. I was very angry and also feeling a little sorry for myself. He(my ex) denied me a second chance at starting a new relationship. Which man would want a post menopausal woman with saggy breasts,and sagging skin except for maybe a much older man.

I was barely 22 and a virgin when I married. My ex was my first boyfriend and sexual partner.

Many times during my 32 year marriage I wondered with some sadness, what it would be like to experience sex with another man. Would this other man make love to me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world? Would he be tender and sweet? Why sadness, you may ask?  Because I would never be unfaithful.

A year after my divorce, I got into a relationship with a man 21 years older than me. He was an intelligent, good looking gentleman. The relationship was an on again, off again type of relationship. He had family commitments that interfered with our relationship.

Two years after my divorce, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was at this point that my relationship with the older gentleman ended.
My sexual life was over!!! Which man would desire me after half of my left breast was removed. Now, I was menopausal, saggy and maimed! My life as a woman was over.

Four years prior the cancer diagnosis, my sexuality had been threatened by an illness.  I had to have a complete hysterectomy and went into immediate menopause.  I thought I’d lose my LIBIDO. Fortunately, the procedure did not affect my sexuality.

In recent years I started to ask myself why my sexual parts were touched by illnesses.  The answer is that I denied myself true sexual freedom and expression.

Alas! What will this old one nippled woman have going for her now? But, we must always have faith in the universe. Good things happen too! Life is full of surprises and lessons. Trust me, I’ve had my fair share.

It will give me great pleasure to write about them in my upcoming
posts, if my audience desires.

Please send me some feedback. 

Thank you.

Stay tuned for Sexuality, part 2…..

My first post

Hi!

I am writing to an unknown audience. It’s a little daunting, lol.

My goal is to share my stories and experiences as a single woman after the age of 55, the age that I became single, after a 32 year marriage. Hopefully, my stories will touch women who are also in a relationship.

At this age most women are menopausal or perimenopasal. The hormones are “out of whack”. The truth of the matter is that it’s a time of renewal, the beginning of a new phase, not one of doom or the beginning of old age.

I’m reaching out to all those ladies that need some encouragement to re-define themselves in this stage of their life.

Let me know who’s out there.

Ciao for now.